Thursday, September 30, 2010


Sometimes I am really bored at work. Sometimes I am really busy at work. I don't want to talk about it. It's not so interesting. Not everybody has gotten that memo. Some people are so very busy and the reason you know this is because they shout it out to the trees every hour or so.

Personally, I think they should consider making a sign and holding it up so they don't have to keep saying the same words in the same order over and over again. How about something like this?


Can you help me? I can't read and somebody cut off my clit. Also? I have rickets. One more thing, people keep telling me to walk two miles to get fresh water. Otherwise, I will end up with the guinea worm. Frankly I'm not sure how I'm supposed to be on all these committees and teach four classes a term and go get water and take care of my rickets and circumcised clit and learn how to read in my "spare" time. Life is super strenuous is all I have to say.

Did I tell you the "book" I've been working on is set in Africa? It seems there may be worse problems in the world than being busy is all I'm saying.

For example, a worse problem may be that my book is set in Africa and I am not African, nor have I ever visited the continent of Africa? That's another post.

In other news, the NYT has been getting under my skin lately. A recent food column included this sentence: The last of the tomatoes are coming in now, wide and cracked, heavy with the captured humidity of passing summer, each one a Neruda poem shedding its own light, benign majesty.

I would like to make the NYT a sign too: STFU.

Some people need slapping machines. There aren't enough to go around unfortch.

Do you ever write signs for people in your head to help them out so they can stop saying what they've been saying since they've been born?

What do those signs say?


  1. I am too goddamn busy to be laughing at 3:15 on a shitaholic Tuesday. So here is my sign, Liz, for you to wear: Go design something instructional and stop forcing me to shoot coffee out of my nose onto my computer screen with your tomatoes so majestic in the gloaming
    I am a busy editor. There are semicolons that need dispensing, tragedies that need exploiting, bottom lines that need bolstering with the reduction of some FTEs. Thank you for your attention to this matter.

  2. Thank you for my sign. Here's yours: Hope you don't have to fire any more people today, thereby driving them to despair and hopelessness.