Monday, July 25, 2011


Summer's my favorite season. I've been waiting for the Summer Feeling and waiting and waiting and it's just not coming. I need to get to the bottom of this. I don't know why Summer will not emotionally come.

I keep thinking if I get a better bathing suit, I might suddenly be overwhelmed with feelings of Summerness.

The problem with getting a bathing suit is bikinis are very popular, and I don't like bikinis. Probably because I don't exercise with the thought in mind, "This exercise I am doing right now is a means to an end. I am going to look so hot this summer in my bathing suit." In fact, I don't exercise ever, almost, at all.

As I've told my friends, thank god I'm just as lazy about eating as I am about exercise. It would be very bad if I were extremely ambitious in one area and not the other. Food is not my drug, thankfully. I like fudge as much as the next guy but mostly I feel about food the way I feel about gambling. I'm not that excited to do it, and when I do it, I'm not that excited. I can understand the appeal; it's just not the lever I would keep pressing until I died. I have other levers. Not judging, certainly.

I feel like wearing a bikini, having not exercised, is like showing up at class without doing your homework. You can do it. If you're not morbidly stupid, most people won't notice. Nothing awful is going to happen. But you'll be sitting there all self-conscious the entire time like, "Why didn't I just do my homework this winter? I bet everybody can tell I didn't do it. Can they? Of course they can, if they care about homework. Crap. I just wish I had done it now--even if it seemed boring and useless."

But non-bikinis seem to call even MORE attention to the fact that you haven't exercised. Because (at least if you're on a beach in Chicago--we go to Oak Street or North Ave.) NOBODY wears one-pieces. Like nobody. Maybe one person out of a 100. If you are wearing one, you are signaling: Something very extreme has happened to me and my body.

Tone-issues and fashion trends aside, I like one-pieces better. They're just so much cuter. You have more material to work with. There's not so much you can do with a two-inch triangle and strings.

I have been looking at suits for the past couple of days and Zazi is getting madder and madder saying, "Why are you looking at bathing suits on the Internet! I HATE when you look at bathing suits on the Internet!" I am done looking at bathing suits on the Internet. I swear. Here are some favorites. Would I wear these? Probably not.

Suspended Bather.


Blue Barmaid

Yellow Blackstrap

Aloha Green Triangle

Black Honeycomb

Striped Barbie

Knotback Maillot

In the 70s, my mother used to have a bathing suit just like this one. She must have bought it when she was an especially confident mood.

White Keyhole

I would beg her--BEG her--to wear it. Sometimes to make me happy she'd put it on for three minutes and sit in the backyard, looking pained and mortified. She felt about bikinis the way I feel. But was always so tan and skinny. That white keyhole was so her. She just didn't know it! There was no convincing her.

Thinking about summer and the 70s made me think about summer songs. I think maybe if I come up with some summer songs for 2011, I'll feel more summery.

Can you help me with this? Recommend summer songs?

Here is my top summer song for each decade 70s-00.

THE 1970s

Elton John’s “Philadelphia Freedom.” This song reminds me of sitting on my bike, watching my dad wash the car and grumble about stuff.

THE 1980s

This reminds me of sitting in the quad at Ball State. It also reminds me of walking from my house on Main Street to the White Hen Pantry and buying Camel Lights and diet Mountain Dew and doughnuts.

The Sundays “Can’t Be Sure”

THE 1990s

This reminds me of sitting in my apartment in Ludlow, Kentucky. My roommate worked at a candy factory so we had reject boxes of Mentos (the European flavors, like Eucalyptus, that Americans hated) stacked against one wall. The couch was one of those two piece numbers, so if you were kissing somebody, it would come apart and you'd fall on the floor.

Galaxie 500 “Tugboat”

THE 00s

My daughter and I dance to this. A lot. Usually in the kitchen. Sometimes our moves take us into the livingroom.

Manu Chao “Clandestino”


  1. I highly recommend "Summertime" by DJ Jazzy Jeff and the Fresh Prince:

    And, duh, "Cruel Summer" by Bananarama!

  2. I like one-pieces and have wanted to buy one every year for several years, but once I ordered one from the Internet and it didn't fit, so I had to return it. I just keep wearing the same three bikinis I've had for 5-15 years, because I only have cause to wear one like twice a year. Also, the really nice thing about bikinis is that, when you have to pee, it's as easy as taking off your underwear.

    I was also going to say "Cruel Summer." And and: "Boys of Summer." Which is a sad, end of summer song, of course.

  3. Considering I lived in the same house on Main Street, ate the same donuts from the White Hen and drank the same Diet Mt. Dew, I should always think of the Sundays when I think of that house. But, I can only think about the Beastie Boys, unfortunately (or is it?).

    So, bathing suits? Well, I haven't worn a two piece since 1987... and even then, I probably shouldn't have. That being said, there is a delightful website that I have gotten a few suits from (they sell both one piece and two piece) that I absolutely love... retro stylings modeled after suits in the Esther Williams films. So, there you go.
    I am poolside every weekend ALL weekend and I barely go a day without someone asking me where I got it (I have the classic sheath). Anywhoosle, I LOVE the Barbie Stripe... where did you find that??
    Also, mom looked totally hot in the white keyhole. I wish she still had it. Except grandma might be a little more Swing-Low-Sweet-Chariot for that suit now.

    Best summer song: Sure Shot (Beastie Boys)

    Peace and love, sissie.

  4. i love that sheath! i want it in burgundy or gingham or emerald green! that house was the worst. urg. no shower and crappy paneling. but it served us well. great location.

  5. Hey Liz!! Very cool meetin' yiz last night! We should hang in the daylight sometime, too! :)

    I love swimsuits but hate spending money on them since I wear the snot out of them. Also, if you're top heavy, it's hard to find one that doesn't look trashy-intentional or granny-lite. Target, believe it or not, carries a Converse line of bikinis that fit like a charm AND look subtle and stylish...

  6. Hi Brooklyn. Great to meet you too. Sorry we didn't get to talk more. My sis is in Indy and we're going down to see her Sept 17. Maybe get a drink then?

    I know that Converse line! Love it.

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  8. I enjoyed the Tugboat video. Reminds me a bit of Gerry and Pacemakers from the 60's. They did some great songs like "Don't Let the Sun Catch You Crying."

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